


sunshine riptide

by johnshuaa



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Apocalypse, Blood and Injury, Drug Use, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Linear Narrative, Swearing, Underage Drug Use, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26538700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnshuaa/pseuds/johnshuaa
Summary: When the end of the world is near, Jaehyun finds comfort in the apocalyptic orange of the sky and of Donghyuck’s hair.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 47





	sunshine riptide

**Author's Note:**

> there was a thread on twitter that asked who in nct would survive the apocalypse and that's how this was born lmao
> 
>   
> working title: zombies nom nom nom

Jaehyun thinks it must be karma. He’s made life for the people around him difficult, made them worry endlessly, made them feel useless, a speck of dust in his tornado of a life. It felt insignificant to give so much attention to the people. He thought he would have forever. He would have years to care for his parents after he got away from them for college. He would find the friends who would remain with him for the rest of his life,  _ later _ . He banked on the idea of later.

But time ticks swiftly, an incessant tick tock that doesn’t stop, and there’s no more later. There’s now, and the past he rushed right through. And now, he pays for it. Time is ticking.

Donghyuck is the aromatic swipe under the nose, the temptation that Jaehyun barely gets his hands on before it draws him too deep. Donghyuck is here, and he’s gone too quickly.

"Get it through your thick head for once, Jaehyun. I'm infected.” Donghyuck’s breathing is soft and barely there. “I either die now or become undead and die at the hands of some other person trying to survive the apocalypse. There’s no magical antidote coming."

Jaehyun's hands shake by his sides, looking at Donghyuck sitting on the floor, legs spread in front of him, hand holding the mauled arm with the distinct, circular bite mark, two arching crescents that remind Jaehyun of the time when his neighbor’s dog bit his leg when he tried to sneak into the house. The flesh around the teeth indents is already rotting, despite it having only been a few hours since they were attacked. Donghyuck looks like absolute  _ shit _ , grime all over his body and clothes, splatters of guts and darkened blood everywhere, and Jaehyun can only guess that he looks the same, except without that gnarly bite.

It was his fault.

"And I'd rather not turn into a zombie, you get me?" Donghyuck laughs, leaning his head back. His skull clunks against the metal cabinet sharply, a noise that makes Jaehyun recoil.

"This isn't a laughing matter, Hyuck."

"The other option is you amputate the arm, but then I'd probably bleed out or die of infection," Donghyuck continues to ramble, but Jaehyun can tell he's struggling with the pain by the way his hand grips his forearm, so tight that it leaves pale fingerprints on the skin. "One way or another, I die, Jaehyun. I've accepted it. Now you have to, too."

Jaehyun doesn't want to.

When they first meet, the first thought on Jaehyun’s mind is  _ how  _ Donghyuck managed to survive for this long.

Donghyuck is alone, frail and petite but full of fiery energy enough to rival Jaehyun's entire group of survivors combined. From his quick scan prior to entering, Jaehyun is considerably safe behind the blocked-off walls of the abandoned convenience store. If Jaehyun listens hard enough, he can just barely hear the noises of the undead a good distance away. He should have a decent amount of time to grab what he needs.

When they first meet, Donghyuck pulls a gun out and aims it directly at Jaehyun.

"Don't move," he hisses, shotgun pointed right at Jaehyun's head. Jaehyun throws his hands up. "I said don't fucking move!"

"Jesus, I'm not moving!" Jaehyun takes in the face of his assailant, his rounded cheeks and wide eyes, pouty lips and unkempt hair. He couldn't be more than a kid. "How old are you?"

"Why does that matter? You trespassed into  _ my _ hideout."

"Right, right.” Jaehyun slowly moves his arms so his hands are behind his head. He’s used to things like this. His past delinquency has taught him well on how to get out from behind gunpoint. He supposes the bad places he associated with back then had trained him for the current times, so there is  _ some _ good to it.

“Are you here for food? Supplies?” the boy says with a gesture of the barrel of his gun.

“Aren’t we all looking for that?” Jaehyun replies. “There are people outside keeping watch for me. Shooting me wouldn’t be in your best interest, so—” The boy is far closer to him than he should be. He has a long-distance weapon, yet he risks being easily disarmed by standing so near. Yet again, Jaehyun wonders how the kid managed to make it so far on his own as he presses two fingers on the metal tip of the gun, pushing down. “—you might as well put that down.”

The boy doesn’t waver, only readjusts his grip on his weapon as he brings the gun back to Jaehyun’s face. “You can’t have what’s here. Finders, keepers.” 

“We aren’t in sixth grade, kid,” Jaehyun says with an easy laugh before he drops his arms to his side, and with it, his entire act.

“Don’t call me kid.”

“You can’t be more than sixteen,” Jaehyun scoffs. “You’re still a kid.”

“I’m eighteen, you fuck,” the boy says, and reluctantly, he lets his aim on Jaehyun’s skull fall. He tucks the gun into his waistband, hidden under his jacket.

“Notice the second syllable of that. Eight- _ teen _ .” Jaehyun leans to the side, reaching out to grab one of the plastic water bottles left on display in its twelve-pack box. “You know, if I were to hoard all this stuff, I would have stored it away.”

Jaehyun untwists the bottle and chugs half of it in a matter of seconds. They’ve managed to get by with some water from the nearby stream of his group’s hideout, but nothing tastes as clean as something straight from the factory.

“There’s no place to store it besides out here,” the boy huffs. “And it looks fucking scary if I cleared off the shelves.”

“Aww, you’re scared?” Jaehyun can’t help but laugh some more, amused by this teenager in front of him.

“Get the fuck out,” he hisses. “You can’t have any of this.”

“Oh, come on, I’m just teasing.”

The clicking of the innards of the gun startles Jaehyun into silence.

“Fine, fine.” Jaehyun finishes off the rest of the bottle and squeezes it so that it’ll fit easily into his pocket, in case they need it for storage later on. “Can I get a name?”

“Why the fuck would you need my name?”

When Jaehyun takes a step forward, the boy takes two back, heels digging into the vinyl tiles with a squeak.

“I have a group. There are two others with me to find supplies to bring back, and you look like you haven’t spoken to a living human in years.”

“What makes you think I would want to join a group?” The boy gestures at the racks of the store. “This shit could last me another year on my own.”

“You need people, kid. That’s the only way you’ll be able to survive this apocalypse.”

The boy looks at Jaehyun with large, wondrous eyes, like a baby deer caught in headlights with the inability to wobble off the road. But just as quickly, the expression slips off his face as he scowls. “No, thank you.”

Jaehyun shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

He proceeds to walk down to the end of the aisle, to the open space where the rows of registers are, passing them on his way out. There’s only one opening in the store for all he knows, the one he managed to slip through. The rest of the walls have been boarded up haphazardly with unskilled hands and whatever wood and nails could be found. He ducks through the opening and heads towards where he left his two groupmates.

“You were there for an awfully long time,” Johnny comments. “There’s no walkers around though. We could hide out for the night and see if we can get any further.”

“Was there anything in there?” Doyoung asks, straight to the point.

“Well…” Jaehyun purses his lips.

“Wait!”

Jaehyun slowly turns around as the voice draws their attention.

“Donghyuck.” The boy pokes his head out from the opening. His eyes sparkle with starlight as if they haven’t seen the sky in forever. For all Jaehyun knows, he might have never left the stupid store since he found it. “I guess there are some things I could spare in here…”

  
  


It was Jaehyun's fault, Donghyuck's bite.

Jaehyun had assessed the situation wrong, taken a short glance at the grounds and immediately deemed it safe because Donghyuck looked as if he were about to pass out if they didn't find shelter soon. Across and out of the forest as soon as possible was all they needed. From their spot of respite, Jaehyun could practically see the barely-there outline of an abandoned gas station off the side of the highway.

"You alright?"

Donghyuck lets out a grunt but nods slowly. "I'll make it."

"You better."

Donghyuck has somehow gotten lighter since about an hour ago, and that worries Jaehyun as he wedges his shoulder under the boy to lift him off the rock he's currently sitting on. Maybe Jaehyun's just reading too much into it. He's fine. Donghyuck needs medical attention, but he'll make it.

They hobble slowly through the trees, not really following a trail, just going in a direction that will hopefully lead somewhere safe. It's growing darker by the second, the faint orange-yellow sunlight depleting quickly. 

"We have to hurry," Jaehyun huffs, trying to bear more of Donghyuck's weight on his side so that Donghyuck could keep as much pressure off of his broken leg as possible. "We just have to make it to that station. You see it, right?"

Donghyuck tilts his head slightly in response.

Jaehyun lets out a grunt through his teeth when his body bumps into rough bark. He leans against the tree, Donghyuck pressing into his side, and focuses on his breathing. In, out, in measured rhythm. 

"I can walk by myself," Donghyuck says quietly, and he pulls his arm from Jaehyun's shoulder. "It's not too far."

Jaehyun knows better than to protest.

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Donghyuck limps slowly, keeping as much of his weight on his left leg as possible, and Jaehyun stays right by his side, hand laced with Donghyuck's. 

That's when he hears the low, guttural groan that he dreads.

"Fuck," Jaehyun mutters. "Okay, let's just— We can make it."

Then Donghyuck stumbles, and he's crashing to the ground in a heap. He almost cries out as he lands on the broken leg, but manages to keep it at a quiet whimper.

Jaehyun hears the crunching of leaves and twigs. He glances up and surveys the area; it’s decently protected by trees, but walkers can so easily make their way around those. He spots one not too far away, and in another direction, two more. A herd.

"C'mon, we can escape in time. We just have to hurry."

Donghyuck has tears staining his cheeks as he lets Jaehyun drag him up.

Again, they start their journey as the moans of the undead become louder and louder, the world around them growing darker and darker. 

"Almost there," Jaehyun repeats to Donghyuck in a whisper as they dodge around a tree. "Just a bit more."

"You don't need to lie to me, Jae," Donghyuck whispers back. "I hear them. You might as well just leave me behind now and run."

"No." Jaehyun grimaces as his elbow scratches against something spiky. It's like venturing blind, at this point. "I'm not leaving you."

"Suit yourself." Donghyuck has the audacity to laugh. 

They come to a halt. The only sound in Jaehyun's ears is the cacophony of zombie growls, and he knows that the herd is surrounding them. The only way out is to fight through the ring, create a hole for them to escape. But with one of them practically unable to stand, and the other absolutely exhausted...

Despite the darkness, Jaehyun can see the way Donghyuck's lips quirk up in the corner, as if he's delighted to take on the challenge. 

  
  


Jaehyun's group hides out in an abandoned warehouse with an open yard in the back that they've managed to fence off. For some fresh air, he supposes, though he's not sure why they would risk something like that, considering there's only a chain link wall between that backyard situation and the outside world. Like animals in an enclosure at a zoo for zombies. Or maybe more like dinner.

When the four of them make it back, Taeyong is already greeting Donghyuck with open arms, thanking him for the supplies they've brought. It's enough food to last a good few weeks, and if they get back before another group of survivors rampage the store, they would be set for a long while.

Mark takes an immediate interest in Donghyuck. He’s their youngest of the group, straight out of high school. Doyoung found Mark on the streets while searching for supplies sometime in the apocalypse’s early era, and he has stayed with them ever since. Turns out, he and Donghyuck had gone to schools in the same district, even played one or two soccer games against each other before. 

The rest of the group help store the food and water they’ve managed to bring back for this trip. With clear directions back to the convenience store, Yuta will probably bring the other half of their group there the following day.

Donghyuck is bubbly when he’s comfortable. At dinner, Taeyong passes around their rations, a larger portion than usual with their new miracle find, and Donghyuck settles himself by Mark’s side, joking about some of their school days that Mark laughs awkwardly at. Then, he makes a deprecating joke, one that makes Taeyong purse his lips as he sits to the other side of Donghyuck in their circle. 

Jaehyun thinks Donghyuck is an enigma waiting to be cracked.

Taeyong situates Donghyuck in Mark and Jungwoo’s side of the “rooms” they’ve carved out in each corner of the warehouse. The three talk quietly into the night as Jaehyun readies himself for bed by taking some sleeping pills. He used to have enough for a full dosage every night, but he hasn’t been able to get his hands on another unexpired bottle in weeks. So, he rations it, cutting open the little plastic casing to split the pale powder into two little piles in his palm. At least he has the water to wash it down rather than swallowing the dust dry now.

“What are you taking?” Donghyuck asks out of the blue. Mark and Jungwoo are already in bed. Jaehyun can hear Mark’s snores. The sound is rather endearing, a startlingly sweet and innocent noise that rivals those of zombie growls that plague Jaehyun’s nightmares when the sleeping pills don’t kick in in time.

“Nothing important,” Jaehyun responds. He hasn’t told anyone that these pills are the only reason he’s making it through the night. The rest of the group just thinks they’re drugs that he’s been taking since his youth, and why stop now?

“You still doing drugs in an apocalypse?”

Jaehyun lets out an exasperated exhale. “Yes, I need them.”

“So you're an addict.”

It takes all of Jaehyun not to click the bottle closed and deck the boy in the face.

“Sure.” Jaehyun tucks the bottle into his pocket for safe-keeping. If Donghyuck decides to start snooping around at night, Jaehyun wants to at least keep some semblance of his privacy.

Donghyuck makes himself comfy by sitting on Jaehyun’s bed instead of the bare mattress they’ve found for him in his own little corner. Fuck this, if Jaehyun were just a year older, he wouldn’t have to deal with this little shit. Doyoung would. God, Doyoung would have a field day trying to keep his temper next to Donghyuck.

“How long have you guys been traveling together?” Donghyuck asks nonchalantly. He plays with a stray thread at the edge of Jaehyun’s mattress.

Jaehyun pauses to think. “How long has it been since all of this started?”

“Wow, that’s pretty incredible. That long?” Donghyuck lets out an impressive scoff. “And none of you have gotten eaten or whatever?”

Jaehyun freezes.

Donghyuck sucks in a sharp breath. “Shit. I didn’t— I’m sorry. God, I need to keep my fucking mouth shut.”

Jaehyun closes his eyes and purses his lips.  _ Yeah, _ he thinks,  _ you should _ .

“Look. That was insensitive of me.” Donghyuck stands from Jaehyun’s bed and backs off with caution. He has his hands up in front of him, as if trying to calm a rabid animal. It’s funny, Jaehyun thinks, that he doesn’t even need a gun for Donghyuck to suddenly be so fearful. “I’m really sorry.”

Honestly, Jaehyun likes seeing the mild terror on Donghyuck’s face, but he doesn’t think provoking Donghyuck more and starting a fight so late in the evening will do them any good. Instead, he waves Donghyuck off without another word before sitting on his own mattress on the floor. 

Donghyuck doesn’t leave, though. He stays put, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants, rocking back and forth on his feet.

“Do you mind me asking what happened?” he tries.

“Yes, actually, I do mind.” Jaehyun shucks off his boots, then swings his legs onto the bed. He can feel the exhaustion kicking in already in the way his calves refuse to budge now that they’re laying on the bed. He didn’t even think their journey out today was that far. “You’re new, kid. You have to earn respect and all that shit. Don’t think you can just waltz in here like you’ve known us for years.”

“I’m not—”

“I’ve known some of these boys since I was in diapers.” Jaehyun slowly lowers his body, his shoulders aching for the hefty cases of water he was in charge of lugging back to home base. “We stick together because we know we won’t make it otherwise. Don’t go trying to break shit apart and fuck it up for the rest of us.”

“I wasn’t—”

Jaehyun is already pulling a thin blanket over his head and closing his eyes to feign sleep when Taeyong walks in, lantern in hand. He scolds Donghyuck for staying up when the rest of his roommates are asleep, and Donghyuck quietly apologizes before returning to his corner.

Jaehyun rests rather soundly that night.

  
  


It started with Sicheng.

Yuta and Jaehyun have avoided each other since the big accident that nearly broke the group. They were half and half. Mark and Jungwoo sided with Jaehyun immediately. Taeyong did too, despite being the peacekeeper and leader of their group, while Johnny, Doyoung, and Taeil agreed with Yuta. Split right down the middle like this was some fucking drama.

And for the first time that night, Jaehyun had to cry himself to sleep, muffled sobs into the bare mattress, probably leaving snot stains that he couldn’t wash out even if he had the chance to. From then on, he had to up his pill dosages so they would knock him out completely before he slept.

It’s a cruel world in the era of the apocalypse. People are relentless and primitive and have little to no care about human life besides their own. 

Jaehyun blames it on himself even though he shouldn’t. He should have volunteered to go with Yuta to the gas station by the lake. He knows that area well and knows that once you enter the little square shop, you were practically locked in there. Zombies love to prowl around by the water.

Yuta retells his story but Jaehyun doesn’t believe him, never will. He recounts Sicheng running out into one of the herds as a distraction for Yuta to escape. Jaehyun thinks Yuta shoved Sicheng out to be eaten on purpose because that’s what Yuta would do.

Jaehyun never understood Sicheng’s blind trust of Yuta over the years.

Either way, Sicheng is dead. Doesn’t matter how, doesn’t matter who betrayed who. Taeyong won’t let Jaehyun beat Yuta to pulp and toss him out of their shelter, so badly bruised and bloodied that he wouldn’t be able to outrun those walkers if he could. That would satisfy Jaehyun’s quench for revenge.

It leaves an emptiness in the pit of Jaehyun’s stomach that he can’t seem to fill no matter how much he tries. The pills were never enough. The people were never enough. He feels like one of those walkers that killed Sicheng had gnawed a gaping wound into his belly that he couldn’t stitch back up.

But of course, that was until Donghyuck came into his life.

  
  


They race against time. The walkers seem to speed up as they sprint across the deserted highway to get to the gas station, and they circle the pair from all sides. Jaehyun’s eyes zero in on the little building, a beacon against the night even though it’s completely abandoned and dark.

They reach the concrete barrier splitting the road, and Jaehyun heaves Donghyuck against his hip to help him over. Donghyuck lands on the other side with a small cry. The zombies reply with low groans that makes Jaehyun’s heart beat even faster. Hand braced on the top of the barrier, he launches his legs over to the other side before he grabs ahold of Donghyuck again to hurry them across.

Every step is a victory, and when they finally reach the side barrier, Jaehyun feels a wave of relief roll through him. He unwinds his arm from Donghyuck, steps onto the flat surface to push himself over. He feels like he’s flung himself into another world, a calmer, safer place, like the highway barrier fences the walkers off. He lets his feet land in the grass.

The momentary tranquility is shattered when he hears a sharp gasp and high-pitched yell behind him.

_ Fuck _ . Jaehyun reaches forward as fast as he can to grab onto the zombie that attached itself to Donghyuck, trying to shove it off. He doesn’t get the leverage he needs, and the walker quickly rectifies itself.

The walkers come all at once, surrounding Donghyuck, who has collapsed, his chest braced against the barrier, an arm reaching out towards Jaehyun. He can’t reach. He melds into the zombies like he’s one of them, but Jaehyun can see the pain on his features, mouth open mid-yell, and that’s the one differentiating factor that separates him from the rest of the herd. The humanoid shape of a scream, picturesque and haunting.

Jaehyun is frozen, his breaths growing harried. Donghyuck is drowning in the wave.

And it’s this that plagues his mind: was this what Yuta felt as he watched Sicheng wander into that herd?

A blood-curdling scream with the grotesque sound of rotten teeth biting into flesh and bone is what snaps Jaehyun into reality.

  
  


The taste of the smoke isn’t something Jaehyun particularly likes, not like he likes his high school ex-girlfriend’s flowery perfume, or the slow-roast barbeque his dad smokes in the backyard on a hot summer day. Those were smells of his youth, something that feels so far away.

That ex-girlfriend probably was the first to go, considering the city she moved to in senior year was the first to be infected and overrun. Jaehyun’s dad probably hadn’t lasted too long either, with his growing health issues since Jaehyun left for college. 

It’s easier to assume they’re dead. He doesn’t have the heart left for hope to root itself.

The taste of smoke is almost unfamiliar. It’s ashy and earthy and makes him want to wrinkle his nose every time he gets a good whiff of the blunt. That doesn’t stop him as he takes another hit, a long drawl, and lets it out with a sigh.

“You got some more of that?”

Jaehyun stares down at the roll between his index and middle finger. Yes, he has some stored in a little bag in the bottom of his drawer, but he’s in no mood to go back and roll himself another blunt right now. It’s his break. He doesn’t want to move.

So he just offers up the half-smoked roll in his hand to Donghyuck, who plucks it up gracefully. He brings it to his lips, the end glowing a bright orange that reminds Jaehyun of the skies when his neighborhood was sent a shelter-in-place warning. Apocalyptic orange, if he were to give it a name. 

Donghyuck exhales the smoke, eyes closed, bracing his elbows on the wooden banister. He goes for another hit of the blunt, like clockwork. 

“Are you sure you should be smoking that much?” Jaehyun says, raising an eyebrow.

“You act like I haven’t been smoking since I was fucking fourteen.” Donghyuck takes yet another hit as if to spite Jaehyun. The blunt becomes stubbier by the second.

“Fourteen, you say?”

“Mhmm.” Donghyuck clicks his tongue. “Friend was a dealer.”

Jaehyun bites his cheek before his next words come tumbling out of his mouth. He’s about to berate Donghyuck for starting on weed so early, but considering how he watched the boy chug a bottle of beer just the night before in mere seconds, he’s not sure if it’ll do anything other than anger him. Not like it would matter, anyways.

Donghyuck smokes until the blunt is only ashes, then he snuffs it out against the handle of the wooden rail. Jaehyun doesn’t have it in him to complain. 

Instead, he looks at Donghyuck, watches him breathe out the last of the smoke, barely visible gray clouds that disappear into the air. He realizes that Donghyuck’s hair is the same shade of apocalyptic orange as the sky. Faded, not as vibrant as it could be. The color is dying from the roots, returning to its bleached base, like the sky, a gray-tinted filter blocking the fiery color. Dying. Their world is dying. Jaehyun remembers when the sunsets were the color of orange creamsicles, of fairground cotton candy mixed with the yellow buttercups of his mom’s garden. How long ago was that?

“What did you do?” Jaehyun says out-of-the-blue.

Donghyuck blinks and glances at Jaehyun with wide eyes. “I didn’t think anyone would notice. I covered it up pretty well, I thought.” Donghyuck’s mouth makes an ‘O’ shape. “Did Mark rat me out again?”

“I—” Jaehyun lets out a breathy laugh. “No, I meant what did you do before all of this. What were your hobbies? What were your friends like?”

“Oh. Before the zombies decided to take over the world?” Donghyuck braces his elbows on the rail handle, leans his weight on his arms, and perches his chin in his hands as he glances out at the horizon, like he could see past the chain link fence and badly nailed boards all across the backyard. “Besides soccer… I liked to sing. And act.”

“A theater kid?”

“Never got the chance to do a show.” Donghyuck’s eyes are distant. “Parents were adamant against me wasting time on that kind of shit. It’s like they couldn’t smell the fucking weed in my room and decided to yell at me for humming, of all things.”

“That sucks ass.”

“It did.” Donghyuck sighs, reaching into his jacket pockets as if searching for something, but procures nothing. “Sometimes I wonder if it was my wishing that they were fucking dead that lead to this whole shitshow. It sure feels like it.”

“A combination of all our sinful little wishes,” Jaehyun singsongs. “You’re not the only one to have thought that, I’m sure.”

“Yeah. I just— I fucking hate this. Sometimes I wish I just ran into one of those herds and that would be it.” Donghyuck pulls away from the rail and stuffs his hands into his coat pockets, a beat-up aviator jacket with matted white fur lining. It looks decently comfy despite its rough exterior. “Or like, find some gun with just one single bullet left.”

Donghyuck raises a hand and holds his pinky and ring finger down to mimic a gun, presses the tip of his middle finger to his temple, and feigns a deadly shot. He makes a popping sound, head falling to the side from the impact.

Jaehyun doesn’t have it in him to laugh. A moment of silence passes. He doesn’t know what to say, only nods.

It’s the end of the world. What’s the point of trying to live on a desolate earth that’s given up on humanity? They’re hopelessly gripping onto something with no traction. 

“Do you think this is some sort of cruel punishment? To make us suffer because we deserve it?”

Jaehyun licks his chapped lips. God, he might be able to peel the skin off considering how dry they are. It’s disgusting.

“Probably,” Jaehyun finally concludes. “I guess it just so happens that we all fell into the same category to be here together now.”

Donghyuck scoffs. “I knew I was a fucked up kid.”

Jaehyun hums. He looks to Donghyuck again, who has this loopy look on him, shifting out of reality as he leans against the concrete wall. There’s some dirt smeared across his jaw. 

“Don’t you have a gun?” Jaehyun wonders aloud. Jaehyun never reported to Taeyong about Donghyuck’s weapon, nearly forgot about it since they met. When was that, weeks? Months ago?

“I do.”

“You could have…”

“There’s no bullets in there.” Donghyuck sighs. “Found it empty on some corpse off the street.”

“Ah.”

Jaehyun forgets that Donghyuck is only eighteen. And in turn, he forgets that he himself is barely twenty-one. They’ve both just barely started their lives. Jaehyun had just moved out from his parents house completely a month prior, for fuck’s sake. Half the things on his high school bucket list haven't even been crossed out, and he graduated  _ years _ ago.

“I want to forget this, for a moment.” Donghyuck’s eyes are glossy when he finally looks Jaehyun straight in the eyes. “Anything that’ll help. Please.”

Jaehyun can’t say no. The image of his drawer flashes in his mind, filled with anything and everything that could ease their minds. He keeps it locked for a reason.

Jaehyun can’t say no. He bids for Donghyuck to follow.

  
  


Jaehyun blames whoever decided keeping a backyard to grow flowers in the middle of the fucking apocalypse was a good idea. The fence barely stands, and the rotting cardboard is definitely not enough to keep them covered.

Mark had screamed like a madman, sprinting back into the confines of the warehouse for some sort of shelter. “They broke through the fence,” he huffs, face white. “A herd is banging all around the back.”

“Shit,” Taeyong curses. “Doyoung isn’t back yet.”

“We have to leave. Now,” Yuta orders. “Before they surround all of the doors. They know we’re in here.”

“We can’t leave them behind!” Taeyong snaps. “We have some time to wait it out. Or to leave a note.  _ Anything _ .”

Jaehyun feels like he’s been through this before. Maybe he had mentally prepared himself for a situation like this many times before. Maybe it was some morbid part of his recurring dreams that he tried his best to block out. 

Donghyuck grabs onto Jaehyun’s hand and gives a warm, reassuring squeeze. He’s the only part about this apocalypse that feels warm. Not even the sun provides comforting heat anymore.

“We don’t have time, Taeyong—” Yuta grabs Taeyong’s shoulders and shakes him. Taeyong looks distraught. Mark is heaving into a corner, hand braced against the wall. 

More banging. Jaehyun shuts his eyes. He should go grab some of his pills, just in case.

“Shit, they’ve completely broken through the back,” Yuta reports. He’s running again, around the corner to the living quarters probably to grab some necessities. He returns quickly and gives the final ultimatum. “We either run or we die, Taeyong. It’s up to you.”

Jaehyun thinks Taeyong is insane to be willing to give himself up for the sake of their friends.

“I need to be here. They need to know where to find us.”

“We can’t—” Yuta lets out an exasperated sigh. “Fuck. Fine, you stay here and wait for them. I’m leaving.”

Mark looks queasy still as he leans against the wall, hand on his stomach. 

“Go with them, Mark,” Taeyong says quietly. He stands his ground.

“But—”

“I’m the fool for staying and waiting. But I’m going to be the only fool.” Taeyong looks at Mark with stern eyes, then at Jaehyun and Donghyuck. “Bring him along. Don’t come back for me.”

This time, Donghyuck tries to protest, but Taeyong has already made up his mind.

“We were bound to split up eventually. Traveling in big groups is too risky.” Taeyong has a hint of a smile on his face, and then he’s helping Mark from the wall, into Donghyuck and Jaehyun’s arms. “I didn’t think it would come so soon, though.”

“You aren’t going to make it.” Jaehyun tries to take Taeyong’s hand, to make him follow. Yuta is at the front entrance, a crowbar in his arms, backpack filled with some bare necessities. 

“I know.” Taeyong swallows hard, but he doesn’t cry. “But there’s that miniscule chance that they’ll be here in time and that I’ll see them. I’m willing to take it.”

Taeyong has always been too selfless, too hopeful for his own good. Not characteristics fit for surviving an apocalypse. That’s why Jaehyun finally lets go, though he can’t say goodbye. He and Donghyuck tug an unwilling Mark towards the exit, and he doesn’t look back. He can’t. He’s a coward, through and through.

The front is clear enough for them to get out and away easily, but just by the sounds emitted around them, Jaehyun knows that the walkers are close and that they know Taeyong is inside.

He didn’t even get the chance to grab his pills.

  
  


Donghyuck kisses like there’s no tomorrow. It’s appropriate, Jaehyun thinks, with Donghyuck sucking at his lower lip. They never know if they will make it to the next day.

He doesn’t kiss like any of Jaehyun’s exes, who he really doesn’t remember anyways. He doesn’t even kiss like Sicheng, who had been Jaehyun’s everything before Yuta left him for dead on their raid mission.

Donghyuck runs his tongue along the inside of Jaehyun’s mouth before he’s pushing his entire body forward, completely leaning his weight onto Jaehyun. He kisses ferociously and without any hesitation as his hands go flying to Jaehyun’s waist, tugging at the shirt until it lifts, giving him the space to splay his hands under. Donghyuck has the soft, innocent face of a kitten with a tiger’s ravenous hunger inside. 

It’s stolen moments like these that Jaehyun thinks maybe this world is worth living in. If he had decided to take too many pills one night, if he had let himself run out into the dead of night to see how long he can fend before he’s bitten, eaten, left with body parts scattered everywhere, until he’s only a brainless body, food for the undead.

Jaehyun goes to grasp Donghyuck's hair. The strands are losing its orange tint quickly, as if his gentle pulling and tugging draws out the pigment, the color of clementines on his hands like blood. He misses the apocalyptic orange. It reminds him that these fucking zombies were the reason he found Donghyuck in the first place. It almost makes everything worth it. Almost.

Donghyuck’s breaths are heavy against Jaehyun’s mouth, hot and smelling of ashes. Nothing is ideal about anything between them. Jaehyun doesn’t think he’s had the chance to properly wash himself in days

When Jaehyun nibbles at Donghyuck’s lips, the younger lets out a quiet sigh of contentment. Jaehyun presses in harder, searching for the little noises that Donghyuck makes.

Donghyuck gives him exactly that, panting when Jaehyun pulls away, then a soft moan when Jaehyun kisses him again. 

In another life, maybe, Jaehyun could be making out with Donghyuck under the bleachers of some mediocre football game that neither of them want to be at, then head to a frat party that has the fucking nastiest drinks but the best location. They could meet each other's friends, go to concerts and parties and dates, do what young people do.

But it’s the apocalypse, and they have to make due. At the very least, they found each other.

  
  


The first night is the hardest. 

It’s the two of them against the world, and Jaehyun feels the heavy blanket of guilt on him, too hot and too suffocating.

Donghyuck drags him around as they search for some sort of shelter. They walk down desolate streets and rampaged buildings, like a ghost town from a horror movie, but Jaehyun has long surpassed the fear that comes with these places. There’s nothing human left about the world. He has accepted that.

The world might have allowed him some respite for the night, because they encounter nothing. No walkers anywhere, no crazy stragglers. Just the moon as a guiding lantern, and the two of them, hand in hand.

Jaehyun thinks he still smells like gasoline as Donghyuck pushes him into the backseat of a car he managed to pick the lock off. Surprisingly enough, the glass isn’t broken, at least not in the back. The front is a whole different story, a spider web on the front window, one touch away from shattering across the dashboard. Jaehyun trusts his luck tonight. They’ll be fine.

“Are you comfy?” Donghyuck asks quietly. He waits, looks around the empty parking lot, before he stares down at Jaehyun again, fidgeting to get his legs in a comfortable position lying in the car. The seats are decently soft, but he’s too fucking tall.

“It’ll do,” he grunts, back against the opposite door, a leg hanging off the edge. He opens his arms and waits for Donghyuck to crawl in.

Eventually, they settle, enclosed by this shitty car that might save their lives or doom them. Donghyuck’s head is tucked under Jaehyun’s chin, body splayed on his, not quite slotting against each other perfectly. Jaehyun listens to the way Donghyuck breathes that evens out as he calms himself. 

It’s hard to sleep. The position is not great, and his leg is tingly. His neck is already sore from its awkward angle on the door. His mind is plagued with the orange of the sky mixing with the yellow and red of the burning wood. It makes his heart beat fast, too fast, and he wishes he had his pills to sedate him. 

“Hey, shhh, it’ll be okay,” Donghyuck whispers. He tries to turn his head, but he can’t without jolting the entire car. Instead, his hand finds Jaehyun’s bicep and gives his arm a squeeze, a reminder that he’s there. “We had to do it. It was the only way.”

“Was it?” Jaehyun barely squeezes out. His lungs constrict like the air is being directly sucked out of him. “They’re dead now.”

“We had to leave, Jaehyun, or he would have killed us. And Mark wouldn’t leave. We gave him the choice.”

“Shit,” Jaehyun mutters. “I need something. Fuck.”

“Another breath,” Donghyuck says soothingly, but Jaehyun can tell that his heart beats just as fast as his, nervous. “Jaehyun, you’ll make it.”

Will he?  _ Will he? _

“We need to get through it, okay?”

Jaehyun squeezes his eyes shut and counts to ten very, very slowly. Donghyuck’s body pressed right to Jaehyun’s reminds him that there’s still something  _ human  _ about him. 

Though it takes hours, Jaehyun eventually falls into unconsciousness, a dark abyss of nothing. He’s grateful.

Jaehyun’s nightmares are consumed by a fiery inferno that must have been an omen. They were telling him, the flames wavering to garner his attention, trying to speak, to warn him of what’s to come.

Yuta takes the lead, and they eventually stumble across a wooden cabin in the forest to rest in. Jaehyun can easily tell that it has been rummaged through thoroughly. There are useless belongings strewn all over the ground. Some of the wooden floorboards have even been pried open to reveal the grass below. 

It’s a mess, but being in the safety of four sturdy walls is enough.

For a few days, they survive, barely. They pass around the last of the rations, huddled together on the floor as they eat from the cans. 

Jaehyun can easily tell that the morale is low, lower than it has ever been before. He knows Mark maintains a guilty conscience for leaving Taeyong behind, he can see it in the boy’s eyes, in the way all of his actions drag meaninglessly.

Jaehyun shares a glance with Donghyuck, who looks away quickly. They know what’s to come. They’ve been planning it for forever. 

At night, Jaehyun quietly tiptoes around the cabin to grab the last of their supplies, which isn’t much. He grabs Donghyuck’s jacket, a white plastic box that he assumes to be whatever little first aid materials they have left, and little bags of expired snacks that won’t give them the energy to last more than a day. He double checks that Mark is sound asleep, those quiet snores that make Jaehyun ache inside knowing what he’s about to do. Yuta is a light sleeper, but he seems knocked out, too.

So, Jaehyun makes his way outside, trying to close the door as quietly as he can. He avoids the second step down from the porch of the cabin because it’s incredibly squeaky. 

People do bad things in the apocalypse, when there are no rules, just you, fighting for yourself. Jaehyun has read his high school classics, he knows how primitive people are when they’re fighting for survival. But he also prefers to think that there’s some part of him that’s doing good, that he’s sparing Mark from any more of the pain he’s drowning in, that he’s finally getting his revenge for Sicheng. 

Donghyuck quietly exits the cabin a few minutes after so to lessen the noises they may accidentally make. He has a plastic oil can in hand, now empty. 

Amongst Jaehyun’s supplies are a box of matches. He strikes one and watches it burn out to the end. Another. He watches it turn to a black, curled piece in his fingers.

And the third time. He finally tosses it towards the cabin and watches it catch on the gasoline. This is the fiery inferno from his nightmares. To see it recreated in life, however, does little to reassure him. It only means that the rest of those sickening dreams will slowly come true, one by one. Perhaps that’s what he deserves for carrying out this scheme.

Donghyuck can’t look. He turns away and starts to walk, then speeds up until he’s sprinting through the forest, disappearing into the dark. Jaehyun can’t help but stay and watch, stare as the orange and yellow flames lick at its food. He hears the crackling of the fire and chooses to ignore the human yells and the growls of the undead. 

He’s not a good person. But no one can be amidst an apocalypse.

  
  


Donghyuck reminds Jaehyun of his childhood. He reminds him of the comfort of home, of the fleeting moments of happiness that feel like they could last forever. Time slowed in their precious moments, but as soon as they were over, they felt like they never happened at all. Good things do not last.

Donghyuck is young, and it reminds Jaehyun of his own time in school, his joy through the short few years when he decided imprudent recklessness was the path he wanted to go on. He wanted to do everything wrong until they became right. He wanted to try everything even if they were horrible for him. He wanted to live life to the fullest, to put it in the most cliche words. He didn’t know how much of his youth was left, so he counted the days, made each of them last. The responsibilities could come later.

Yes, his lungs are fucking horrible now, and so is his liver, probably. He’s destroying his body from the inside out, but it’s not like it matters now. If he could get his hands on some more strong alcohol, he’d drink it, give himself alcohol poisoning, and hope that whichever lucky zombie decides to gnaw on him for dinner will die from whatever fucking cancer he managed to contract.

To Jaehyun, Donghyuck reminds him of the best worst decisions. They are good reminders. Jaehyun tangles his fingers with Donghyuck’s, plays with his palm, traces his nails along the lines of Donghyuck’s hands and his veins to remind himself that the Donghyuck sharing a shitty mattress with him in a shitty warehouse-turned-home is real, human, young and lively and everything Jaehyun misses about normal life.

“You okay?” Donghyuck asks quietly.

“Don’t think I ever will be,” Jaehyun replies. “But for now, it’s bearable.”

Donghyuck kisses Jaehyun’s chin before he lays his cheek against Jaehyun’s chest.

  
  


Jaehyun doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the scream Donghyuck let out when the rocks came tumbling down and crushed his leg. It was something so inhuman, filled with terror, enough to make Jaehyun want to claw his eardrums out. 

It took Jaehyun hours to finally roll the boulder off of Donghyuck’s leg, and he was bleeding out, slowly but steadily. His bones were probably shattered, but Jaehyun’s no doctor. Donghyuck still managed to pick himself up, stand on his good leg, though it’s still shaky, and take a few steps. 

Donghyuck’s stubbornness is fucking insane. He barely stops to rest, tries his best not to lean against Jaehyun, who acts as his temporary crutch. They have nowhere to go, yet Donghyuck continues with a determination Jaehyun has never seen in anyone. He thinks he might be in love.

But if he has to be brutally honest, Jaehyun wishes the boulder had somehow crushed Donghyuck to death, because then he wouldn't be faced with the situation in front of him now.

  
  


“Humans are made to die. Why do you think we’re so fragile?”

Only Donghyuck would go on and on about some stupid fucking philosophy that made no sense as he died. His character is too dynamic for his own good, sometimes.

“I can’t let you—” Jaehyun can’t help but let his tears fall. They feel good, the hot, stinging tears that carve their way down his grimey face. It reminds him that he’s not heartless. “You’re all I have left.”

“I know.” Donghyuck somehow finds it in him to smile again. He looks too sunny for someone half dead.

“Then why aren’t you… Fuck.” Jaehyun steps back, turns his body to look anywhere but at Donghyuck. He can almost imagine the walkers stumbling around outside, aware of the humans inside the little square building. He had brought them into a trap. They’re both screwed, probably been screwed since the beginning. They weren’t built to survive the apocalypse. 

“Look at the bite, Jaehyun.” 

He can’t.

“ _ Look at it _ .”

Jaehyun does. The skin around the bite mark is turning purple and black, the flesh rotting around the teeth marks. It makes Jaehyun’s stomach turn, and he wants to vomit.

“It’s bad, yeah?” Donghyuck pokes at the wound with his index finger, wincing when he presses against a raw part of the bite. “It’s only going to get worse. The venom is travelling, I can feel it. My legs are going numb.”

Jaehyun can see it too. The features of Donghyuck that he had fallen in love with are fading away like his orange hair. He loses color, growing gray, his eyes bloodshot. The veins of his forearm are darker, inky, the bite’s poison slowly making its way through his bloodstream until he finally turns.

“I have a gun. Inside pocket. Left side.” Donghyuck gestures vaguely with his chin. 

“You said it didn’t have bullets left.”

“I lied.” Donghyuck smirks. “One left. I wanted to save it, just in case.”

“You fucking—” Jaehyun hisses, but he gets down onto his knees and pats at Donghyuck’s jacket until he feels the hard outline of the weapon. He pulls it out by the handle.

“This is the moment that I’ve been leaving that for,” Donghyuck says. “Do the honor, Jaehyun.”

“I— No, you still have so much life left, you can’t—”

“What do I have left? I’m turning. In a few hours, I’ll be chewing your brains out. In a couple days, some survivor will be knocking my rotten brains out and blowing my jaw up with some explosive. We all end somewhere.” Then, Donghyuck’s smile turns bittersweet. “I’d rather it be when I’m conscious of myself. When I’m still me.”

Jaehyun takes a long breath as he stands. The metal of the gun is cold against his palm, and it weighs a ton. He doesn’t think he can aim properly.

“It’s all I ask of you, Jaehyun. This is the only way I can die in peace.”

Donghyuck reminds Jaehyun of youth. In an apocalypse, youth ceases to exist. Jaehyun learns it the hard way.

His hands shake as he draws the gun up, barrel pointed straight at Donghyuck’s head. Still, he’s smiling.

He moves his index finger to the trigger. His stomach turns and tumbles, like his guts are about to fall out of a deep cut across the bottom of his belly. He sucks in a breath, and simultaneously, pulls the trigger. 

The gun clatters to the ground. Outside, the growls of hungry walkers continue. It doesn’t stop.

**Author's Note:**

> yay arson
> 
> find me on  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/johnshuaa)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/johnshuaa)


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